true love waits in haunted attics

i cant afford losing people anymore
knowing that people will come and eventually go in the end makes life seem so meaningless

i should've realized that letting people in means i am ready to see them leave

blue

life has been hectic these days, or maybe it just seemed like it to me.
at the end of each day i felt exhausted when all i actually did that day was just staring at my phone screen
i seriously need to put my phone away

ive been feeling a lil bit blue lately

i got online social anxieties if that makes sense

a pic from around 1year ago probably

it calms me

but old pics makes me sad. they seem so perfect it almost physically hurts.

8:43

Life has been better lately, I think.
idk if this feeling of
h a p p i n e s s 
is real
But I think I'm fine. I'm doing good. I'm doing great.

his bedroom

 

Self note: Life eventually gets better when you stop whining and actually do something

EVERYTHING'S NOT LOST

9:06

I killed a bird today.

Burung balam, bulunya kecokelatan.
Ayu bilang matanya seperti mata manusia.
Aku lihat.
Matanya kosong, tengkuknya habis disuntikkan cairan sesuatu.
Matanya menutup pelan.

I cried.


nb: tapi kemudian aku mencabuti bulunya tanpa perasaan dan dengan gunting bedah membelah truncusnya yang masih hangat. menghujamkan gunting itu menembus dagingnya.

Friday, March 21

I've always got a thing for bad boys.

i d k 
w h y

They're always so sweat-y and masculine-y and handsome-y and you just can't resist, am I right?
 but that's not what I'm going to rant today.
It's about freedom and jealousy.

(Indah lagi galau, ya? Tidak kok, lagi sebal saja)

Do you really think couples need to see each other every single day? I'm not the one supporting this theory -usually. But then i met this guy and so fucking in love with him and when he finally told me after months of bliss that he feels like he's in jail with my possessiveness and such (he didn't rly said it like that, but still) i feel like I'm stabbed with an axe or a bazooka or shit. And that's the one about Freedom.

About jealousy. Isn't feeling jealous means you have this sense of belonging to this particular person that makes you feel like shit and wanting-to-explode every time they did something unacceptable for you? If yes, then I'm normal.

Addition: i fkn understand if ur friends were always first before me, but pls pls pls understand that ur my only friend  


And here's (another) random pictures laying around on my netbook that I'd like to show.

a shitty webcam pic i took a few weeks ago. new sunnies, btw.

 a random panel of an indie comic sent to my campus comic fest a few months ago. it's about flood, if you haven't noticed it yet.

 a sad photo i took from rookiemag.com

Tuesday, February 11

11.13 PM

i've got nothing else to do and i remembered i have this blog. so yeah.

 here's a picture of me my shadow.

and here's a picture of some wierd hazy mountainty plants.

i love gray. so much. so.so.so. much.